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Wear and rock the bikini

It was 4th of July 2019. I met some "friends" at a community pool to spend the afternoon while my significant other was at work. My child was with the former. As I sat in the sun, sipping on an adult beverage, one of my friends looked over at me and said "Isn't it nice that there isn't any judgement. You know, that you its okay to wear a bikini and let it all hang out." So, maybe it wasn't those words exactly, but it was something similar and the tone in her voice was DEFINETLY passing judgement. You know, tone - when you are saying the sweetest words in your highest pitched voice with your head tilted to the side and you have the smile from ear to ear. Ya, that tone. I am the first to admit that I do not have a six pack, nor have I ever, I have noticeable cellulite, and I could stand to lose a few lbs, but whoa... what the fuck did she just say? Now, considering that this particular person frequently discussed wearing a size 28 jean I shouldn't have been surprised by her comment.

It's been a few years since I heard those words and I haven't been back to the community pool. In fact, I have my own pool now and haven't ever invited my "friend" over for a dip. It has taken me a long time to accept my body, to embrace my curves and for a "friend" to pass judgement and think it is okay to do so is intolerable.

I remember being a little girl, looking in the mirror, thinking I was so pretty. I also remember my brother telling me that there would be time that I wouldn't think so. I thought he was crazy. Fast forward to junior high, high school, college, young adulthood -- he was right. Shapewear, push up bras, makeup, hair dye, waxing, hours at the gym. Size 2. Size 0. I was fit. My muscles were defined (never a six back), but my abs were tight. Guess what? I still was not happy with me. I was constantly comparing myself to others. I was insecure.

Life has changed since that time. I wear shapewear to keep my thighs from rubbing together as I fear the friction may start a fire, and I haven't purchased a push up bra in years. I still dye my hair, wax on occasion and wear makeup. Long gone are the days since I wore a size 0. Yes, I have my moments when I would like to be more toned, but I no longer worry about that the number on the scale or the size in my jeans.

Size 2 or 22, itty bitty titty committee or over the shoulder boulder holders, flat ass or junk in the trunk, stick or curves, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL! Don't wait until you are mid-life to realize your beauty. Embrace your body. Wear and rock the bikini.

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